Sacramento Steve went to the Sacramento State Fair and sent us this nice little picture...with this lovely message:
"Something for Ana to look forward to..."
You can find more more Sac Steve greatness here, including this classic.
-- PAPA
Sacramento Steve calls with another substitute teacher saga.
Third grade was never so much fun.
"So earlier today the teacher next door was supposed to take both classes to Computers, but the old hag was like, 'Oh when there's a sub we just have THEM take the classes.' I was like 'Well, that's interesting because she told me YOU were supposed to take them, and that's why she left me prep work.' She said, 'Oh, you can do it in the computer lab.' I was like whatever and walked away. Later she comes down to the computer lab and she's like 'Okay, I can take a few of the kids now...' I say, 'Nope, I got it.'
"Later it's the end of the day -- Fun Friday -- and they're all riled up. She comes down again and says 'Okay, all the bad kids have them stay with you, and the ones that were good you can send to me.' She asks me how many I'm sending her. What do you think I did?"
I laugh.
"Oh, it was so great. She was like "That's weird. Usually she holds back at least six kids that were bad...' and I was like 'Nope, THEY WERE ALL GOOD KIDS...'
"Haha, and I had some little fucker's too..."
Lesson of the day?
Careful who you play with.
*******************************************************
Is there a time YOU got burned?
RELATED POSTS:
I've written about Sacramento Steve several times on this site and for good reason: we've been good friends now for 8 years, ever since we met working together the summer of 2000 in NYC. Ironically enough, it wasn't until we both moved out West to separate cities on separate occasions, that our friendship grew to what it is today. Sac Steve is like Phil Mickelson, one of his golf idols. He's a good guy, decent, and not afraid to make fun of himself -- or of me, for that matter. (Watch this for an idea.)
Sac Steve likes to have fun. He's the kind of guy that will call a limo to take you to a bar 8 blocks away when there's yellow cabs everywhere -- just because. He's the guy that will call you a week after you moved and say, "You know the girl we both liked -- I slept with her. Thanks for moving." He's the guy that when you're visiting him in Oahu and all the bars have closed down, he knows where to go at 4 am and order "cold soup" (code word) where the "cold soup" is beer served cold in a soup bowl....He's the guy that will go along with your plans even if that means checking out the Polynesian Cultural Center -- basically a huge retiree party (I swear, it was supposed to be so cool!) -- and just laughing it off when it turns out bad. The guy who will jump off 40 foot cliffs into the ocean, take you shooting and shoot better than 3 year cadets, and leave a 40 dollar tip on two beers.
...And he's the guy to joke our friendship's over when the baby's born even while calling everyday to ask how Ana is, the baby is, etc etc and never missing one of our doctor's appt.
Everyone should be so lucky to have a good friend as Sacramento Steve.
So it should come as no surprise that the night Ana and I arrive in Sacramento, Sac Steve's prepared the feast of all feasts, officially celebrating our baby's sex news...and what better way to celebrate than with his prized "Baby back ribs..."
These aren't just any kind of ribs...
They're baked in the oven, left over night to marinate, and grilled again...
The meat just falls off the bones...Then there was the hearty arty-chokes, stuffed with a sauteed onion bread crumb mix...
...Fresh Roma tomatoes with buffalo mozzarella and homegrown basil...
Add to that, some ginger-lime marinated shrimp...
And Don Julio Margarita's (for the non-preggers) to celebrate!
Of course, you can't forget dessert! Homemade White Chocolate Chip cookies...
Afterwords, we got our first introduction to Mario kart on the Wii...
Ana's choice of character? Baby Peach, of course!
Click below to see how it all went down...!
Of course, you may be asking yourself with all this amazing food and addictive gaming , what could possibly have Ana so mesmerized?
Follow the jump for the answer...
Continue reading "Sac Steve surprises with "Baby" back ribs" »
[Photo by LotsofSprinkles.]
Sacramento Steve phones me on his recess break:
"Oh my god, check this out...So it was this girl's birthday today and she brought in cupcakes that her mom made. So I pass them out and there's three left. One of the students, I can tell, she's totally got her eye on them. Finally, she comes up to me, a chunky, little thing and she's like, 'Mr Steve, can I have one more cupcake?' ...I'm like 'Sally, I would love to but if I gave one to you, I'd have to give one to everyone and there's only three left.' She was like 'Okay...'"
"Right after that it was recess and, as soon as they left, I totally ate all three...Oh, I know, so wrong, so wrong...I'm totally going to hell..."
There's a lesson here...
Always count your cupcakes...to your advantage.
Sacramento Steve checks in with his daily cigarette call. Basically that entails driving around the neighborhood next to the school he teaches because he doesn't want the kids to see him smoke.
SACSTEVE: "Of course, the neighbors must look out their window and think I'm some big freak because I'm always driving around the same block."
I laugh.
SACSTEVE: "So, dude, what's going on? How's Ana?"
PAPA: "Good...just waiting...Almost The Big Day."
SACSTEVE: "That's right. So when do you find out?"
PAPA: "Wednesday."
SACSTEVE: "Ahhhh...the day we find out what Brian is all about....If you're a man or not."
I laugh.
SACSTEVE: "Thought I forgot, didn't you?"
PAPA: "I'm not scared."
SACSTEVE: "No, so you taking the day off?"
PAPA: "I haven't decided."
SACSTEVE: "Funny, so how's the story go again?"
PAPA: "Basically if the woman has an orgasm it's a boy; other wise, it's a girl."
SACSTEVE: "That's right. So if it's a boy you'll be like THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.'"
PAPA: "Totally. Walking all big and everything."
SACSTEVE: "And if it's a girl -- "
PAPA: "If it's a girl I'm definitely going back to work."
SACSTEVE: "Awesome...so that's how I'll know. I'll just call you at work. You don't even have to say anything. If you pick up I'll be like I knew it.'"
I laugh.
SACSTEVE: "So Wednesday, huh...?"
Ana and I are eating dinner when we get the news.
A surprise text/pic from Sacramento Steve.
"I'm also expecting, mid May, sorry I didn't tell u..."
Today Pirates (named after PIRATES BOOTY ) pays us a surprise visit with flowers, homemade brownies and a congratulations card. And, as we'd later find out, another gift: the story of the Big O.
But first he's dying to know the answer to the question everyone's been asking.
PIRATES: "So what do you think it's going to be? Boy or girl?"
Mother nature, of course, had her favorite, but still we weren't sure. We'd just found out.
PIRATES: "Okay, what do you feel?"
This early, obviously, it was too hard to tell, but I wanted a girl. To Ana this is absolutely inconceivable.
ANA: "What guy wants a girl for his first kid?"
I don't know. Me?
Anyway, at what point, do you have that special inkling where you're like "It's a girl" or "It's a boy"... Two months? Three Months? Right away? Or: Do people you know tell you the sex? We've had several people tell us it's going to be a girl including our neighbor, Sarah, who is "80% sure it's definitely a girl". So positive! How do they know?
Turns out there are ways: the shape of the belly, certain food cravings, the position in bed (assuming it was in bed). None of these have been proven; nonetheless, they exist. There's even a quiz you can take.
But there's one I hadn't heard of...
Enter Pirates story: The story of the Big O
PIRATES: "I don't know if this is true or not but I heard...." (I loved stories that began like this...) "The woman's enjoyment determines the sex."
"What do you mean?"
PIRATES: "Supposedly male sperm are better swimmers than female sperm but female sperm can outlast the male sperm, they live longer. So the theory goes that when a woman enjoys sex, she'll have more juices meaning the male sperm can out-swim the females and find the egg first. But if she isn't into it, or she's just not feeling it or whatever, she'll be dryer and it's going to be a waiting game, waiting for the egg to drop down. The female sperm simply wait around and outlast the male sperm who've died off by this point."
In other words, the sex of the baby depends entirely on the women's orgasm! Equation: Orgasm = boy; non orgasm = girl.
Awesome! I love it! Ana, perhaps playing role of protector (to me), immediately rejects it. "No, way, no way."
By this point, though, my minds already racing. I phone Sacramento Steve, tell him the story. He busts up.
SACSTEVE: "Ah, that's great....So you still hope it's a girl?"
I laugh. SacSteve continues.
SACSTEVE: "Watch, I'll have like three girls in a row."
PAPA: "And I'll have three boys."
SACSTEVE: "Jen will be hating Ana."
PAPA: "She'll be like, Sac I love you, I think you're a nice guy, you always do nice things for me, I love your mushroom risotto but...do you think Brian and I could hang out sometime...without you."
SACSTEVE: "Oh...that's great. Yeah, now every time I see a little girl I'll be thinking of her mom, poor thing."
PAPA: "Yeah...I bet. You'll be like 'Mrs. Johnson is everything okay, wink wink.'"
SACSTEVE: "She'll be picking up her daughter, head all down and shit. No make-up. Hair in her face."
PAPA: "Then you'll have that one dad--"
SACSTEVE: "He won't even come get his daughter. He'll be waiting in the car."
PAPA: "Tinted windows."
SacSteve laughs.
SACSTEVE: "So when's Ana due again?"
You're a dad!
Nothing, I'm positive, (careful with this word) can ever prepare you for the words "I'm pregnant." Planned or not, it's got to be like winning the lottery. The sudden rush of joy, anxiety -- and shock -- that hit you the minute you hear those magical words. Immediately, you picture how your life's going to change. All the things you're going to buy. The new clothes, the toys, the new car...the baby seat for that new car. That's right, we're not talking the lottery anymore. Because all the things you just imagined, they're not for you. The great escape, gone. And there's just one other slight difference. Guess whose paying? Welcome to Daddydom.
Surprise!
Yes, it certainly was. Sure Ana had stopped the pill April 2007, but we'd played it safe. Well, mostly. We pulled out. We spooned. We tracked her ovulation cycle (usually during sex).
PAPA: "Do you think it's okay?"
ANA: "Don't stop!"
Of course, the safest sex is no sex at all. Sometimes, we even had a small run of that, too.
Four pregnancy tests later we struck gold. Ana loved the tests. Every month and a half she was at the store. For her, I swear, it was an addiction. She was like a pregnant woman with cravings...for pregnancy tests. For me it was just one more thing to add to the grocery list. Milk, cheese, bread, beer, Doritos, pregnancy test. We didn't have to be at the grocery store either; Sav-On was just as good. They sold it, we tried it. And, today, there it was: the little white stick with two solid blue lines. Actually, it was four lines. Buy one, get one free.
Maybe we should have played the Lotto.
Actually I'm just happy that it happened with Ana, someone I plan on marrying and spending the rest of my life with, because I've certainly had my scares. Missed periods have a way of making even the cockiest guy sweat bullets. I think I lost three pounds my first scare, each day passing like a gallstone. I was twenty-five then living in NYC. Nowhere ready to be a daddy.
Even now, we definitely hadn't expected it to happen so quickly. We'd just (tentatively) set our wedding date for October 11th. Now we were looking at an arrival on roughly the same date. The humor, this kid!
Calendar year aside, though, there was the biological time clock. Ana had just turned thirty-seven, the window of opportunity was definitely slimming. Yet another reason for us quitting the pill. After being on the pill for so long it took the body awhile to recover. So we heard. Then there were the stories. It's hard, tricky even, to get pregnant. It has to be the perfect time of the month, the perfect position, the perfect hormonal balance, etc, etc. I knew because my cousin had had difficulties with his wife for two years. Two of my other cousins had also had difficulties, even to the point of consulting fertilization specialists. And then there was me.
"Guess my machinery's top of the line," I'd joked to Ana.
"Apparently."
Wow, it had finally happened.
And now for the best part, the part that made it all worth it:
