PAPATV

Life in the Bat Cave

I've been in a cave.

Did you know if you walk far enough back in a cave there's fog?

I've been in a cave in the fog.

For the past couple of weeks, there's been a discernible difference in my demeanor.  I've been quiet, reflective, aloof.  A stark contrast to my mostly upbeat norm.  Some might be quick to label it a funk or depression.  But that requires a certain lethargy.  My mind's been too active for that.

It simply will. not. stop.

Then, of course, I think: How could it?  I've (We've) had some MAJOR LIFE CHANGES in the past couple of months.  We got pregnant, we had a baby, AND got married!  A string of three!  I know these are MAJOR LIFE CHANGES because only once a year can you make changes to your health insurance...unless...you've had a...

MAJOR LIFE CHANGE.

They write it in CAPS to remind you of its scope.  The question, though, is: How will you respond?

I've read a lot of blog posts about people losing their homes, their jobs, even their SUV.  These are BIG, BIG changes. 

It's like we're all in a big huddle, actually a bunch of mini huddles silently plotting the next move.

Or maybe you were standing in the cave next to me, and I just didn't see you.

Priorities change as you get older and have kids.  Things that were important before fade or get replaced.  Trades and exchanges occur.  Saturdays are for soccer.  Minivans happen.  Getting into the hottest club is great but getting into a home, even better.

LA's been my home for the past six years, but I'm 35, Ana's 37 (almost 38!), and we have a family now.  LA's been great, but it's expensive and trafficky and ugly (if you look closely) and, honestly, I don't want to raise my daughter in Hollywood. 

Hollywood is for young, single kids embarking on a path to find themselves and put their name in lights but anyone whose ever lived here knows that behind all the lights and glitz, there's a quiet sadness in the air.

We seek something more authentic.  To be more connected to our environment and the people around us. And to have space, lots of it so that Sienna may run, Nikki might shit without abandon, and I crack open the BBQ pit.  We also want to be close to family so that not only do we miss the little ones growing up, they don't miss Sienna either. 

We want to plant a garden.  And grow.

It's this excitement that's kept me awake restless at night.  The excitement of change.  The excitement as we ask When?  Where?  How?

And I haven't even spoken of The Answer.  Or my next BIG project.

Look around you, CHANGE is in the air.

And I believe it's good change.

People, I've noticed, are starting their year by choosing one word they wish to define 2009.  Alex has a wonderful post about her own big change of path.  The word she's chosen is embrace which I think is a powerful, and encompassing word.  (If you haven't read her, you should definitely check her out.  She writes beautifully and takes stunning photographs.)

I've given this some thought myself, and I've decided on a word.

My word is CHANGE.

Because you know what?  It's time.

This time, I shan't fear the light.

--PAPA

...

What word would you pick to define your 2009?

Losing my Perfection

"Where did the pregnant lady go?"

If you're just checking into PAPATV for the first time in a couple of days, you've noticed a big change: The pregnant lady banner's gone!...Replaced by a big kid-like PAPA, front and center.

This is just the first of many big changes as PAPATV shifts its focus...in real time.

And a huge, HUGE breakthrough for me.

For so long I've wasted countless hours planning PAPATV: tweaking this and that, revising, refining, revamping AND THEN launching...only to discover a week later that I needed to change it AGAIN!  Why?  Because it had to be perfect.  Absolutely and completely perfect.  Otherwise, what happened if people didn't like it?  Or left after only two seconds?  What I didn't realize -- What I've had to learn -- is that things are constantly evolving.  And it's okay to show people these changes.

Seth Godin, marketing guru and NY Times bestseller, says it better in his blog.  He calls it layering.

He says we used to:

Create ---> Edit ---> Launch

Here's what happens now:

Create ---> Launch ---> Edit ---> Launch ---> repeat

He continues by saying "Someone asked me which post on this blog represented the turning point of its growth. The 'breakthrough' post. It turns out that there wasn't one. Instead, there were 2,500 posts, one after the other, each building (and I was learning from each) as we went."

In other words, we live in a world of constant "updates" and those who plan and plan will never arrive.

As much as I desire to be perfect, I have an even stronger desire to succeed.  To connect with people and to show the world what I have to offer in a big, big way.  Therefore, I'm letting go and meeting my fear head on...That in conquering my fears, I'll achieve something even greater: Growth.

At the same time, I’m in the midst of a transformation right now.  To borrow Julia Allison's words, it’s not so much an internal transformation (although there’s that, too) but a realignment - so my outside matches my inside, so the perception matches the reality.

It's just a fancy way of saying I want PAPATV to be the best extension of my true self.

Or as Oprah said in her 2008 commencement speech to Stanford graduates "That is really what we're all trying to do, become more of ourselves."

PAPATV "Everything's papa-ing up babies..." (my original concept) was a start.  It didn't exactly match me or my ultimate goals, but it did something even more valuable.  It forced me to put myself out there.  And by doing so, brought clarity and made me realize my true focus in life...

Kids.

And how I plan to channel their spontaneity and naivete into fun, positive entertainment.

Big changes are coming to PAPATV

Good news is: You'll see every single one.

Charge and SAVE (babies)!

Forget the Black AMEX, you're not somebody until you get the new Anne Geddes Platinum VISA card.

Yes, who knew Anne Geddes had a credit card?

And who knew Anne Geddes knew we were having a baby?

But, hey, check out the rewards:

As stated here, "sizable sections of children all over the world lead deprived lives; they are exposed to everyday exploitation. The prime reason for this is lack of funds. Have you ever thought of changing the lot of these children?"

Now you can.

"The Bank of America - Anne Geddes Visa Platinum Card will enable you help children and bring them out of this miserable condition. Whenever you make a purchase with the Anne Geddes Platinum Visa Card, a percentage of the expense will go to the Geddes Philanthropic Trust, a non-profit organization working to eliminate child abuse from the society."

Of course, it doesn't say what percentage, but I'm sure it's something fair like 10% or something.

I'm just excited about the six different styles. 

My favorite is definitely this one.

I can imagine dinner at my favorite restaurant now.

"Mr. Papa, would you like me to put that on your Platinum Select Citi-card?"
"No, that's okay, go ahead and throw it on my Anne Geddes Visa card."

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get a jump start on my baby points!

Apply now!

Pregnant? Take the Reliability Test!

                                                                                         [Image via miss pupik.]

How many pregnancy tests a Pregnant MAMA maketh?

If you're Christy, the answer is...

Well, read on...

"When I found out I was pregnant I immediately called my husband Doug at work."

"I'm pregnant," I screamed!"

Doug was real calm and said, "Are you sure?"

"Totally!  I just peed on the stick and Bingo!  Two red lines."

He was like, "Cool..., But let's do a reliability test."

I ask Christy "What's a reliability test?"

"A reliability test is when you buy 10 pregnancy tests and confirm your pregnancy.  Okay, so I didn't really buy 10 but I asked Doug 'How many should I buy?' and he said, 'Get at least 5...and make sure they're different brands.'

"That's great."

"Right?  So I did.  And then I peed and dipped all five and laid all five out on the counter and waited and all the lines showed up...I called him right back and said, 'Yep, honey, we're pregnant!"

...

How many tests did YOU take?  Who sold you the winning pregnancy test?

The 50/50 (80/20) Queen Split

There's an interesting thing happening in the PAPA bed.  There's a whole lot less of PAPA in it. 

Right now, I'm mashed up in the narrow crevice between the wall and the bed.  Ana is sprawled out beside me.  Ana's a small girl but lately Ana (and baby) have banded together and are slowly overtaking our queen size bed.  Add the fact that she goes to bed before me, and I have had to do some very creative sleeping.   It used to be I just slid into bed next to her.  Now I turned on the light to navigate what available space I have left. 

This morning, for example.  Somehow I've squeezed my 6'2" figure into a 2" by 3" space. 

Ana laughs.  "Comfortable?"

"Totally.  What about you?  You got enough room there, sweetheart?"

"I could take more."  She starts to strech out her legs. I laugh, push them back.

"I'm sure you can." 

Ana sits up. 

"Where's Nikki?  Nikki!!"

1.8 seconds later, we hear little sctraches at our door.  Nikki was booted from the bed weeks ago.  Replaced by two pillows.

And if I'm not careful I may be joining her in her doggy bed.

First Prenatal Doctor's visit

Finally!  Our first Prenatal exam.  So how'd it go?  Well, it's lots and lots and lots of forms, medical releases, and paperwork with SIGN HERE!!  etc. etc...  But beyond that?  Let's take a look.

What to Expect at your First Prenatal Exam:

Well, first off: they confirm your pregnancy.  That's pretty big.   Last thing you want to learn is that that little baby bump -- it's not hiding a baby.  The mind is a powerful thing.  Just ask Mrs. Jovic.

Then they'll ask you to sign a form.

They'll also look for any risk factors that may affect your pregnancy. 

In addition, you will:

• Determine your due date
• Discuss your health history
• Discuss Medical history of family members
• Discuss any habits you may have (smoking, drinking, drugs) that could affect pregnancy
• Determine if you have risks based on age, health and/or personal and family history

Then they'll ask you to sign some forms. 

They will also ask about previous pregnancies, surgeries (of the non plastic type) or hospitalizations, medical conditions, exposure to contagious diseases, and medications (prescription or over the counter) you my be taking/have taken recently.  Blood will be drawn to test any one of a number of factors.

And you'll sign some forms.

Sexual History:

The fun apart.  Both partners will be quizzed about their sexual history.  Depending on your level of relationship, you may learn more about your partner in one hour than you previously may have known.  And he'll learn a few things about you.  Probably best if you had a small chat prior to guarantee having the baby's not the only surprise.

Of course, most likely you'll have questions of your own.  Bring a list!

Common questions include:

• What should I eat/not eat?
• What do I do if I start spotting/bleeding?
• Is there anything I can take to stop feeling so awful?
• How long do these symptoms last?
• Is my baby okay?

Afterwards, you'll be weighed, blood pressure taken, heart, breasts and lungs checked and height and weight measured.  You'll also do a urine test.  (And sign a form.)

You may even schedule an amniocentesis or a meeting with a genetics counselor depending, naturally, on your stage of pregnancy.

All this and yet, it won't be enough.  The first words out of Ana's mouth after we're finished.

"That was boring.  I want to see my baby."

So maybe I have it all wrong.

Pregnancy is easy.  It's the waiting that's hard.

Can a guy get pregnant?

It's Saturday, the sun's out, I'm drinking a double shot espresso, Nikki's licking my toes -- then why do I feel so incredibly down?

Maybe it's only natural after coming off such a big high but the last couple of days I've found myself struggling.  No energy at all -- which is completely unlike me.  I'm always the one bouncing off the walls.  Ana jokes all the time "Oh-oh, your batteries are charged again."

Not today.  I feel tired, sluggish.  Appetite, gone. 

Proof?  The other day I got a foot long sub at Subway -- and ate half!  What the hell?  What kind of guy am I? 

Even my sex drive has disappeared.  I'm irritable.  My back hurts.  Sometimes I even feel weak, like I might faint.

I feel...I feel...

I feel like I'm pregnant.

Guess what?  I am.

Or at least in my mind.  Apparently, some fathers-to-be can become so in tune with their expectant partner that they experience a phantom pregnancy.  Up to 80% of guys experience this!  Symptoms include decreased appetite, headaches, constipation -- even cravings.  That totally explains my Hot Wing's late night run the other day!

But what exactly is this mysterious malady?  The name given it is Couvade, a French word which literally means to hatch.  Or you could call it by it's medical name: sympathetic pregnancy.

I think I'll stick to Couvade. Sounds more manly.

Manly Man: "You barely touched your ribs.  You okay, man?"

Couvade Man: "Yeah, probably just my couvade acting up."

Compared to:

Manly Man: "What's up, man?  Your head killing you?"

Couvade Man: "Yeah, I have sympathetic pregnancy."

Apparently, couvade is prevalent among several peoples in different parts of the world.  Basically, the man retires to bed before and during child is born, abstains from certain foods and generally receives the same kind of treatment as a pregnant woman.

Wait...It goes further:

"In certain Baltic provinces of Russia the husband, on the lying-in of the wife, takes to his bed and groans in mock pain."

Agh!  Agh!  Agh! 

Can you imagine!

Somehow I don't see Ana taking this well.  She's like "I'm going to start the dishes, and I'm like: "That's cool, I'll be up soon.  Oh, do you mind to bring me some hot tea and a warm cloth for my face?"

Apparently, though, couvade is very real.  Wikipedia states that it can be seen as an expression of somatized anxiety, pseudo sibling rivalry, identification with the fetus, ambivalence about fatherhood, a statement of paternity, or parturition envy. 

In some extreme cases, fathers can grow a belly similar to a 7 month pregnant woman and gain approx 25-30 pounds!

Romantic, right?

Actually, I imagine from a woman's point of view, this might start out cute but quickly get annoying.  After all, she's the one giving birth!  Pregnancy is a woman's chance to shine.  Last thing she wants is a contest: 

Pregnant Woman: "I put on 10 pounds."

Couvade Man: "I put on 20 -- and my back hurts!"

Better to Man up and be supportive in a different way.  Hungry, got cravings?  Put down the Double Quarter pounder and make a turkey burger.  She's off to yoga class?  Put down your yoga mat and go pump some iron.  Quit worrying and get out the power tools.  Get the nursery ready.  Drill, hammer, paint, put up shelves...

On the other hand...

If you are a couvade man, take heart.  Symptoms miraculously disappear after the child's birth.

In the meantime...go easy.  Keep it light.

Bud light.

...

UPDATE: 4/2/08: Or could Big Papa be thrown for a loop and everything he learned be mistaken and completely wrong?