PAPATV

Recession Cutbacks

Price of Scissors: $1.49

Time spent cutting: Less than fifteen minutes

Fun (I had) while cutting back: Priceless

Not all cutbacks have to hurt.

-- PAPA

Revenge

Mama and Sienna went down to San Diego for a little birthday party action.  Papa stayed home to watch Nikki.

As soon as they're gone, Nikki barks excitedly: "Let's play a game."

Which game? 

"The game where you put me in the bassinet and you pretend I'm Sienna.  And I pretend I'm not Nikki." 

Oh, THAT game.

Coooo.  Coooo.

-- PAPA

Stupid Pet Tricks

Ana called it .  Nikki, she said warned, would totally lose her shit after Sienna was born.

"Nikki you're finished when the baby's born."  I think were her exact words.

It appears she may be right.  Sure, Nikki's had a few bad days ...but this...THIS ?

Nikki's lost it.  Totally and completely lost it.  Gone completely off her chain.

Wait a minute.

Nikki?  Nikki?  ...Nikki!

Fuck!  Nikki!  Nikki!  Come back!  Come back!  You can have the bed.  You can have Pupperoni's.  You can get a bigger leash.  You can hump Daddy's leg...

Damn dog.

-- PAPA

Your pet got tricks?  Send me the you-tube link, and I'll post it.

Nikki has a Bad Day (Again)

Nikki's had a rough couple of weeks.  (You'll remember her first bad day.)

First, it was the fleas which is baffling because A) Nikki's an inside dog  B) When she IS outside, she pees and then sprints back INside C) Neither Ana nor I have fleas.  A medicated bath, some Advantage Flea control on her neck, and she was a brand new pup. 

Until two days later...Then came the pancreatitis.  Pancreatitis is an inflammation of the pancreas caused by a multiple of factors that you can read about here.  As breeds, Schnauzers and Yorkshire Terriers appear to be more prone to pancreatitis.  I put that in bold because it's important.  Let me add another: Dogs fed greasy 'people food' seem to have a high incidence of the disease.  Which, as guilty co-conspirators, basically means that WE are responsible for Nikki's lack of appetite, depression, dehydration, vomiting, diarrhea and yellow, greasy stool.  (Which she left all over the apartment.)  And for the $960 vet bill to "rehydrate" here.  (Look, BOLD, again.)

Then there was that short, short "summer cut" she got at Petco awhile back.  She was so mortified, she found the nearest hiding spot.  It took half an hour to find her, and some moving of pots and pans, but there she was:

But not even that set her back like what happened today.  Today, she heard the brutal news.  And it came from the least suspecting source.

I was doing my normal job of delivering Nikki to our bed when Ana put up her hand, stopping me short.

"Nope, she's not sleeping in our bed anymore.  I want her to get used to it before Sienna's born."

Denied!  A mere three weeks before Sienna's born.  And through no fault of her own!  Not fleas, not pancreatitis, not even bad Petco hair cuts.  Poor dog, she must have thought for sure she was in the home stretch.  But, no.  No such luck at all!

I caught up with Nikki awhile later...sleeping in her new spot.  Outside the door to our room.  This is what she had to say:

Poor thing, what must she be thinking?   Probably she's thinking of the good ol' days.  Back when she had the bed all to herself.  When she could stretch her legs and let it all hang out.

But those days...like the dog days of summer....are long gone.

Time to usher in a whole new era....The Sienna Show.

But is Nikki ready, or will she put up a fight?

Every dog has its day.  Who will emerge Top Dog?  Will it be Sienna?  Or Nikki?...And will I use yet another dog idiom?  Stay tuned. 

-- PAPA

How did your dog/cat/bird/draconian lizard react to the new kid on the block?

Yes, can I help you please?

Nikki: "Certainly.  I'll be having the Saumon Tartar with the Roulade de Fromage de Chèvre, a glass of Perrier, chilled, twist of lime.  And a fork."

Date night.

At least once a week, Ana and I try and step away from the daily madness that is life and celebrate US.  It's not always planned and, in fact, more often than not, it happens something like this:

"Baby, all the dishes in the sink are dirty, and there's no clean pans."
"Want to have date night?"

or

"You're going to make Lasagna?  It's 8:15!"
"Want to have date night?"

Date night is a chance to step away from the kitchen, the laundry, the dirty dishes, the TV, the Internet, everything except, well...

Nikki. 

Lately I find her joining us more and more.  Ana plays the sympathy card like a true expert.

"Baby, she's been inside all day.  She needs the fresh air."

Is Nikki a plant?

But it's okay.  I get it.  Because even though Ana may not notice, I realize what's happening.  Nikki's become surrogate Sienna.  Mommy's little girl.  And don't think for a moment, she's not loving it.  Nikki sleeps in the bed, she's the first to be served dinner, she's carried, coddled, kissed, dressed -- and, we're constantly picking up her shit.  But just wait.  Wait until Sienna's born.  Then it's a whole new story.  Nikki's in for a rude awakening.  Or maybe it's us that should be worried.

Anyway, this is all to say that Date Night has changed.

Before Sienna, Before Surrogate Sienna  -- Date night was a simple equation.

Date = Dinner
Night = Sex

Now things are a little different.  First off, there's no drinking.  (For her, anyway.  I still enjoy a drink from time to time.)  Second, because there's no drinking, dinner is usually the last stop.  Then it's Homeward Bound.  Sometimes a movie or some late night store browsing, but that all depends on her energy level.  Which is fine.  I totally understand.  Pregnant woman tire easily, I've learned.  Their back hurts.  Their feet swell.  They get headaches.  But no one ever warned me about the secret symptom.  Pregnant woman, I see you smiling.  You know the one I'm talking about.  Yes, gas.

And it hits the moment you get home.  On the couch, while I'm giving you a foot massage!

Ana surprises me with one of her best performances in memory.  She can't stop apologizing.  Neither can she stop the assault.  Gas. Apology. Gas. Apology.  Gas. Gas. Gas.

Help!

Nikki catapults off the couch onto my lap.

I grab a pillow and pretend to take cover.  I hold Nikki closely.  She scratches at my leg.

Ana laughs.  She keeps laughing.  Finally, I can't take it any longer.

"What?"

She smiles. "Guess that means you're the one taking her out."

-- PAPA

What's one of your best/worst/funniest dates?   Details!  Details!  Details!

Nikki has a Bad Day

Maybe moving her bowls next to the trash wasn't such a good idea afterall.