PAPATV

Majority Vote

Due to overwhelming response, I'm pushing the launch to my new site back to: Thursday 12 Noon sharp.

As Pam Tykes writes "I'm so excited that I want to force myself to wait.  That way, I'll enjoy it even more!"   Tom Slippaps chimes in "Waiting never killed anyone.  I'm 98!"

Thanks, Pam!  Thanks, Tom!

Plus, I still have to hire the plane to fly above the Santa Monica Pier.

So check back Thursday June 18th 12 NOON (PCT) Sharp.

-- PAPA

P.S. Pam and Tom are totally NOT fictitious persons. :)

BEST VIDEO EVER!

Sienna's good times, but imagine if Ana and I had four Sienna's?!

Guarantee you, it'd be something a little like this:

Watch it now!

-- PAPA

Friend Request

Do you ever look at your kids and wonder what kind of friends they'll have when they grow up? 

Or: you could take matters into your own hands and decide for them.

I just sent this girl a Facebook friend request from Sienna.

Girlfriend is da bomb!

Watch it now!

So freaking cute.  I can't stop hitting REPLAY! 

Happy Friday!

-- PAPA

The Postman always rings Twice... (Then Knocks)

The Internet never ceases to amaze me.

While other people deal with Trolls and hackers and phishers and Fail Whales, I get an email from Penny, one of my readers.

Brian

I made a small wedding gift for you and Ana...Is it okay to send it to you?"

Penny

Um...

YES!!!!!!  I mean, how awesome is that?!  Seriously.  I never met Penny.  We've never sipped coffee or ate sushi or even played nine holes on the back nine.  She is a reader.  And a very loyal one at that.

Only once have I received a package from someone other than my family and that was after 9/11 and it was from sender "Unknown" and it was an envelope with some white powder and curiousity got me and I sniffed it -- and spent the next 48 hours on my hands and knees cleaning my apartment with a toothbrush.

But that was a long time ago.  And I have an electronic toothbrush now.

Anyway, what makes Penny's gifts (yes, there are two of them) so remarkable is that they are homemade.  Talk about authenticity!  Ana and I were very moved.

Here, a picture of the necklace Penny made Ana (with the bag):

And a few shots of the suncatcher.

Beautiful, aren't they?  Look closer.  She even put our names.

That's just an awesomeness I can't even put into words.

Anyway, go check out Penny's blog now!  Seems it's been a little bit since she last updated, so enourage her to WRITE!  Demand to see more jewerly -- and buy it! 

Blogging has led to so many great things, and I'm glad it led Penny to us.

Thank you, Penny!!

Oh, and let me know if anyone wants that white powder.

-- PAPA

You're killing the Turtles!

We're in the Corollita, all five of us, over the hill and through the canyons to the Santa Monica Promenade we go.  We're off to celebrate Ana's Mom Zeli's birthday dinner. 

Sienna's in the back crying, Zeli's singing Portuguese lullabies, Ana's crying for her mom to stop Sienna's crying while Nikki, asleep and oblivious to it all, lies on my lap snoring away.

Domestic bliss.

Perhaps out of boredom or to distract myself from the car seat cacophony, I veer into the center of the road.  Checking first, of course, the road ahead of me.

The Corollita goes bump, bump, bump over the yellow reflective bump, bump, bumps. 

Ana grabs my arm.  "Baby, stop!  You're killing the turtles."

I edge back into my lane and mute the music.  "What?"

"You're killing the turtles."

Funny because...I don't SEE any turtles.  (I should probably tell you right now Ana loves turtles.  Is obsessed with them.)

"You mean the yellow bump things in the middle of the road?"

"Yes.  These.  We call them turtles in Brazil."

"Really?"

"You didn't hear before?"

"No."

"It's true."  She looks back at her mom.  "Even my mom knows that.  Right, Zeli?"

Zeli, roped into it, does the head bob. "Turtles.  Ah, yes, turtles."

"See, Buninho." 

"I see."

Then to show I fully understand, I whip back out into the center of the road again.

Bump!  Bump! Bump!  Bump!...!

I hit them head on, one by one, then veer back over.  Big smile on my face.

"There, baby, I just slaughtered fifteen more."

Aw, the good times...

On a sad note, tonight's Zeli's last night.  Tomorrow she leaves us to fly back home to Sao Paolo.  For five and a half weeks, almost 40 full days, she's played so many roles and helped us in so many countless way.   

She's played supportive mom to Ana, doting grandmother to Sienna and loving mother-in-law to me.  She's changed hundreds of dirty diapers, cooked me home-made Brazilian dishes, cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, side to side and diagonal.  She's chased away dust bunnies, got Nikki to stop shitting diarrhea, the plants to perk up greener, made coffee for me in the morning, watched Amazing Race with us on Sundays, kept our fridge and cupboards stocked with Trader Joes, made me the white cake on page 23 in the Crate and Barrel catalogue  -- even cleaned Mr Black.

All the while never asking anything for herself.  At 62, Zeli is younger at heart than most people I know.  She has boundless enthusiasm and tireless love.  She's an angel of the highest degree.  A saint of selfless love.  And a true example to follow and look up to.

Next month, she and "Pai" celebrate 40 years of marriage.  They have three beautiful kids who absolutely adore them. 

Having spent these last five weeks together I understand why. 

Zeli has not only taken me into her family but has treated me like her own son.  She's hugged me, cooked for me, listened to me, laughed with me --  LOVED me.  She's been a mother to me.  The mother I no longer have and miss.  Especially now that I have my daughter.

Everything truly is brighter with Zeli here.

We will miss you, Zeli.

Openly, honestly, loudly.

We will miss you.

I will miss you.

Love,
Turtle Smasher

-- PAPA

...

Oh, and it turns out these "yellow turtles" really do have a name.  Can you guess?  The answer and the rocking true story are HERE.

The Fuglies Finale: The Eyewear Edition

Your favorite show's ending. 

No, not American Idol, or Dancing with the Stars or House (No, Porschia at Blockbuster, I do not look like Hugh Laurie), The Fuglies are saying goodbye.  It's been great fun but, like a good head massage, it's best to leave you wanting more.

Unfortunately, Wal-Mart wouldn't stock The Fugly DVD's and The Fugly Members Only jackets weren't ready in time, so grab your glasses, your big, thick, coke-bottle specs, and take a nostalgic look back at the Fugly Flashbacks:

The big, big IDEA
The Fuglies: Round I
The Fuglies: Round II
The Fuglies: Round III

One thing we should all learn from The Fuglies: Get your eye exam today!  Over 50% of our Fuglies wear glasses. 

And now without further ado, I bring you the Fuglies Finale!

FUG MUG #14:

Inspiration: This picture was taken by a professional photographer, which only makes it much worse for its inherent fugliness.  I have no idea where my mother came up with this awful jacket, but she made me wear a dickie [PAPA: What's a dickie?"] underneath it in this shot, so it's a low point in fashion as well as an awful photo.  My groovy 1970's blue octagonal glasses (also selected by my mother) are also noteworthy for their fugliness, as are the far-flung, pre orthodontist pearly whites.  This picture makes me grateful I can't find the really bad picture with the polyether dress!

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #15:

Inspiration: I had the world's longest ugly stage.  Sadly, there are many photos of this stage, as my grandma's main hobby was to chase me around the house with a camera.  I am an only child, and the only grandchild, so there was no other ugly child to photograph.  I'm probably 8 years old in this photo.  I have the world's largest glasses, a T-shirt I believe my mother made for me, and a fantastic acid wash denim purse.  I LOVED THAT PURSE!  (Side note: What the hell does an 8 year old need a purse for?)  I also see I'm wearing a Swatch Watch as well as several friendship bracelets.  I wonder when the last time my hair had been brushed?

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #16:

Inspiration: MC Hammer tape, giant glasses, and football jersey from God knows where...

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

Thanks again to all our wonderful contributors.  Go now and give them a read!  And, while you're at it, go HERE and make PAPATV your favorite!

After all the Fugliness, who made YOUR Fugly Top Five?

-- PAPA

The Fuglies: Round III

The Fuglies have EXPLODED onto the INTERNET!  Just look at what everyone's saying:

"HOLY CRAPFUGOLA!" says Jenny on the Spot.

"Ugh," says Evil Genius, "I look even worse in HTML pages."

Mr Black says "Hial Ven Zinkenstauch!!"

And FADKOG, our kickass gal FADKOG says, "The fugly is magnificent this week! Fugtastic, if you will. Must go on a fug hunt this weekend and see what evil I can send your way." 

Have YOU submitted your Fug Mug?  Submit now!  (Email your fuglosity to: papatv at yahoo dot com).

Last week's fugliness was all about the ladies, before that was the PAIR OF FUGS, and before that my very own homegrown fug.

Now -- this week -- I bring you.... THE GUYS...

The guys have stepped it up a notch.  Judge for yourself.   Guess your favorite blogger.

FUG MUG #9:

Inspiration: I'm not exactly sure what Xmas this photo is taken from.  I look to be roughly 12 or 13, so it's certainly the mid 80's.  What this should illustrate to you is that parents should maintain control over their children's fashion decisions until they reach about 34.  This is definitely the first pair of glasses I got to pick out on my own.  Let's leave the frames alone for a second and talk about the photo-chromic lenses [PAPA NOTE TO SELF: "NICE WORD!"]  These have never been the height of fashion.  This meant I was forever walking around the halls of my middle school with tinted glasses, regardless of light levels, and a virtual "Loser" stamp on my forehead.  Middle school rocked.

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #10:

Inspiration: The kid you most wanted to beat up behind the slide. Why?  Did the over-sized glasses make an inviting target? The helmet hair reminded you too much of the toupee the guidance counselor sported? Maybe it was shirt that looked like the 1970s' taco-colored uniforms of the San Diego Padres? Yes, it was the shirt. But it was because it reminded you of the piss and poop you needed to smack out of this smart-ass during recess.

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #11:

Inspiration: Big, big trucks.  Wal-mart.  Costco.  Sam's Club.  Big Gulp.

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #12:

Inspiration: This look was inspired by the theme street urchin. It was all the rage amongst my peers back in 1983.  You can tell my amateur medical enthusiasm was shining through already as I had obviously removed my legs at the knees and put them back on the wrong legs.  Now that I think of it, the tight shorts might explain a lot."

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #13:

Inspiration:  Pabst.  Blue.  Ribbon.

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

...And now for a Fugly First!

The first ever FUGLY COUPLE!

The GIRL:

The BOY:

Inspiration: Flat iron.  Straight teeth.  And lots and lots of Proactiv.

Rate our Combined FUG MUGS:

WHO ARE WE?

Thanks again to all our wonderful contributors.  Go check them out and help spread the word! 

Blog or Twitter The Fuglies now!

Next Fuglies: September 26, 2008.   The next Fuglies promises to be the biggest, baddest yet!  Including a big, big surprise and THE FUG MUG GALLERY!

-- PAPA

Which favorite blogger's FUG MUG do YOU want to see?  Leave their name and blog name in the COMMENTS.  You never know who I may put up next.

The Fuglies: Round II

FUG MUG Fridays rages on!  Last week's fugliness wasn't enough, so this week I'm turning it up.  This week it's all about THE LADIES.  Guess your favorite bloggers.  Still haven't submitted your picture? Submit now!  Email: papatv [at] yahoo [dot] com and tell us what inspired your fuglosity.

FUG MUG #4:

Inspiration: this one probably is 1st/2nd, so I was about 6 years old, which would be about 1979. My excuse for this picture is that my mom decided on my clothing. And she cut my hair. And I'm pretty sure that I didn't choose my glasses, although since it's a small town and the only optometrist was about 90 years old, there probably wasn't much of a selection of the current stylish eye wear fashions. Current meaning 1978, which means it was the 70's. (The 1970's, not the 1870's, which is a whole other explanation for my fugliness). Yeah, blame it on the 70's and my mom.

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

Give it up for FM#4.  I asked for BOLD, and she came full guns blazing.  I admire that.  Go check her out.

FUG MUG #5:

Inspiration: This might be my real hair, this might be a wig.  I like to wear wigs. 

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #6:

Inspiration: Behold the pure fuglosity of my fifth grade photo. As if one view wasn't bad enough, it was executed in the pensive side-by-side style that was popular so briefly in the 70s when everyone was stoned AND blinded from the color of the clothing they were wearing.  Am I a boy or a girl? Hard to tell in this, isn't it? The only clue that tips the scales in favor of my double x chromosomes would be the tablecloth that my intrepid mother refashioned into some sort of blouse.

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #7:

Inspiration: Stand over there.  No, over there.  Take off that purple sock!  Okay, fine!

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #8:

Inspiration: I had gone for a walk in the woods behind our house with my dad that day, along with our German Shepherd, Heidi.  I was probably thinking how much I enjoyed being outdoors and with my two favorite "people" on earth. My dad was a hunter and I didn't care much for that, but sometimes he would take us kids target shooting and we'd shoot cans out in the woods, and it was a blast.  At that moment I was probably thinking I'm a lucky kid.  As for the outfit?  My mother made me wear it.  Seriously.  She was from Germany and her friends and family would send all this weird shit for me to wear, which of course kept me THIS CLOSE to getting my ass kicked all through school.  Maybe that's why I'm evil now.  Heh.

Rate my FUG MUG:

WHO AM I?

Thanks to all our wonderful contributors.  Go check them out and submit your picture now!  And help spread the word!  Blog or Twitter The Fuglies now!

Next Fuglies: September 19, 2008

-- PAPA

First batch of Fuglies

The first batch of Fuglies have arrived!  Can you guess who these bloggers are?

Continue to check back during the day, and I'll update as time permits. 

FUG MUG #2:

Inspiration: Here I am with my beloved grandmother when I was 11, maybe 12.  Note the awesome Star Wars shirt, the braces, and hipper than hell specs.

Rate my FUGNESS:

WHO AM I?

FUG MUG #3

Inspiration: Let's see...we're in a 1970 Gold Toned Plymouth Valiant.  I'm holding my mother's Yorkie named Button.  I look like a farken dweeb.  I've obviously just been woke up and drug to this hideous vehicle without the benefit of comb or wash cloth.  At least I was color conscious and matched my red jacket to my red shirt.  No make up lends to my previous statement of being just woke up and not allowed to do anything.  It was rare I was found outside without full make up.  I see my class ring on my finger.  I look like a pudgy dweeb.

Rate my FUGNESS:

WHO AM I?

Keep checking back...and spread the word.  Free publicity!   Discover new writers.  And keep FUG alive!

-- PAPA

Update: Ana has agreed to submit her fugliness!  Watch out!

Update: #2: Getting more and more Fugly submissions, but I decided you'll have to wait for the good stuff.  Next FUG MUG Friday: Sept 12, 2008...!  Keep the submissions coming!  Email: papatv [at] yahoo [dot] com.

Excuse me, do I know you?

Have you ever been at the grocery store and someone started to get fresh with you?  Straight out asked you if you wanted to have hot, dirty sex?

And was that someone your husband/wife/lover?

Games are good and key to keeping a relationship fresh.  If you can't have fun with the person you're with, what's the point? 

Recently, I read a post that reminded me of keeping the magic alive.  "Pretzel" is a mother and wife of twelve years...and despite some of the heavy things life has thrown at her, she manages to keeps a light and even tone.  Her love for her family shines clearly through her words.

As many of you know, Lindsay of Suburban Turmoil and Kimberly of Petroville do a Perfect Post Award for "a post that you found especially moving, humorous, magical...." I love fun and I love funny, and for that reason I've nominated "Pretzel" for her post Boners, Ice Cream, and Money Back.  Give her a read.  You can find the rest of the August winners here.

Happy shopping reading.

-- PAPA