Four big words

Awhile back, a friend asked me "What's the best quality you like about yourself?"  I answered, "That I'm easygoing."  She said, "Ok, what's your worst quality?"  And I answered, "That I'm easy going."

Okay, okay, I actually read that in a film script, but if I HADN'T read it, and a friend DID ask me, I'd have the same answer.  Because that's me all right: Mr Easy Breezy.

Last night something happened that made this pop into my head again. 

Ana was on the couch watching the Olympics and she said, "Do you want to have hot pregnant sex right now?"  Nikki's ears shoot up.

Actually, that didn't happen, either.  She said, "When's your family having their baby shower for us?"

PART A

I feel my stomach tighten.  This is Part A to a Part B question.  Part B's the prickly part.

"The 21st...Why, baby?" I add not because I don't know what she's about to ask, but because I DO, and I want to see if I can be out of earshot before she asks it.

"Where you going baby?"

"I think Nikki needs to go outside."

"Nikki's sleeping."

Nikki's on her bag, legs in the air.  Stupid dog.

"Later, baby.  I have something I need to ask you."

Here it comes...

Ever since my family announced they were having a baby shower for us, a sort of satellite bash for the non LA folk back in Kansas City, Ana's been on a mission to see what kinds of goodies we'll be receiving.  There's still a few big things we need. Key word: big.

That's where are fathers differ.  And our cultures collide.  Mr Castro gives generously.  He does not think about it.  He just gives.  Many South American families are like this.  Their Northern counterparts, on the other hand, and in my own experience, are different.  You do not ask Mr Papa for money.  You do everything but ask for money whether you need it or not.  You take what's given.  Then you call your sister.  "Melissa, dad just gave me forty bucks!"

PART B

Ana:  "...Because I was thinking we could just make up a list for them with a few of the big things we really, really need.  That's a good idea, no?"

Silence...

"We'll see..." I say.
"We'll ASK..." she says.

Which makes me laugh.  Because those four words say so much.  In fact, if someone were to ask me what's one difference between you and Ana in your relationship, I'd say there you have it.

So anyway...

Anyone want to guess who I'm calling tonight?

-- PAPA

What big difference is there between you and YOUR partner?  Or you and their family?

Comments

[Rachel M.]

My husband doesn't like to ask for anything. His parents asked him like 3 times to just tell them what we need and they would get it and he finally sent an email with the list that I crafted. Then the baby came early and when they called to extend congratulations to me they asked what we needed and I went down the list - all bedding, etc, etc and we got several boxes of stuff the following week. So my advice is if your dad calls to ask what you need, throw the phone to Ana and let her list the most expensive items.

[Carrisa]

You know, weddings and babies are the two times in your life that you should just register. Register for everything you want and need and just point people in the direction of the store. Don't feel guilty, don't be scared. Just do it.

I do not come from money, nor does my husband. If we needed a big ticket item like a crib, we would have to rely on several family members going in together for such a thing. And on my husband's side? Even less money. His mother is pretty much at poverty level and so we'd most likely get a few outfits from a Wal-Mart and some hand made frilly but ugly photo album made out of an old Trapper Keeper.

It just is what it is.

So just call your family and point them towards your registry. And right before you do that, go in and rearrange the registry so that they can only buy you things you really need.

[Evil Genius]

My parents sound exactly like yours. You don't "ask" my parents for stuff. And they very seldom "give" stuff. And what they DO give, you'd better be damn appreciative of or you won't be seeing another gift in a very long time. :-)

[Rachel M.]

One more comment - I totally understand how Ana feels because once we sent the email with the stuff we needed it was silence. I kept bugging my husband to call and probe to find out what they were going to buy so we could like know what was left we had to budget for. In the end, she came early and suddenly everyone felt the urgency and started sending stuff. Not the way I would have preferred as obviously one wants the entire baby's room to be perfect.

I also want to say that 8 weeks into this thing, her room will likely look like a cyclone hit it because you will be too busy to keep it in pristine condition but one likes to still have it ready pre-baby arrival! And that means folks sending stuff!!!

[Shannon]

This is a touchy subject. Everyone's family is different and I think it should be left up to the spouse to deal with their parents on such things. We all know how best to deal with our own parents. Some people might take offense to their child or child's spouse calling up and basically saying "Ok, what are you giving me?" If you think it would offend them, maybe it's best to just explain that to Ana and see what you get on the day of the baby shower.

[preTzel]

I think you should be honest with Ana about this BP. I'm sure she is reading this post so maybe that's a way for her to read it but I also think you should answer her directly instead of hemming and hawing over the answer. :)

Now - my family is poor so we don't ask them for diddly - squat. None of them.

DH's family is a bit better off but still on the lean side. I married a man who is so tight that his farts scream in pain as he tries to squeeze them out of the smallest area possible. (Not really but...) His mother, OTOH, is extremely generous and has jumped him for being so cheap. For instance: He couldn't understand why a diaper needed changed so much. Why couldn't they pee in it until it leaked? Doh!

So be honest with your wife, explain to her about your family, then call PAPA and tell him what you need. What's the worst he can do? Say no. That's not so bad. :)

[just beth]

Hey Papa! My family are planners. My mom, especially. She can plan a vacation to the minute, with appropriatley informative and interactive activities available for each age and interest. My husbands family are avid NON-planners. We'll get phone calls the day OF an event. Or sometimes, after, like 'hey, where were you guys?' It's frustrating, but I'm beginning to 'get it'.

It's the differences that make things interesting, right? ;-)

good luck with the phone call and the baby!!

xo

b.

[Sprite's Keeper]

My husband and I come from different sides of the spectrum. I come from the New York Jewish side where you need to speak up for what you want so you get what you want with a side of guilt trip. His side comes from the Dominican Republic/Venezuelan/Catholic side where you get what you get and you must be very thankful for it because they are generous with what they give. (Even if it's not what you want..) I have gotten some very useless items from my husband's side for my shower, but I keep them and trot them out whenever needed. I'm trying.