It might burn

There are some things you simply shouldn't do.  And there are other things you absolutely can not and must not do, especially if it's 4 in the morning and you're in a deep, deep sleep.

Last night I learn a very good lesson about Peppermint Oil.

Ana's nose is blocked and she had awoken to apply some oil to help unblock her.  My nose is also blocked, so I ask if I can use some as well.

"Not too much," she advises, "otherwise it might burn."

Not one for pain, I heed her warning.  I apply what I think is a little to my finger and spread it under my nose.  At the same time, the bottle is so light, the oil so thin, our room so dark, and myself so tired, I have no idea how much I've put on.  And what do you do when you can't tell how much you've put on? 

You put on more!

Instantly, my nose clears up.  This stuff is magic!  Even better than Vick's Nasal Spray.

There's some funny tingling sensation, but it beats being blocked up.  I lay back down and wait for sleep.  But the particular position I'm lying, my little guys downstairs are cramped, stacked uncomfortably one atop the other, so I move and shift them around.

Suddenly, five minutes later, I feel a strange sensation.

Heat.

Heat on my balls.

At first I thought I could wait it out.  You know, let it pass.  But that's like lying in bed when you really, really have to pee and telling yourself you'll just wait until morning.  No way.

My balls are on fire!

I jump out of bed and splash them with some cold water from the sink.  First, I use a wash rag, at least I think it's a wash rag, but it's actually Ana's face cloth, so I think better not.  I toss it aside.  The heating continues.  I keep splashing them and splashing them afraid of what's going to happen next.

Meanwhile, Ana's snoring away.  Nikki's sprawled out beside her on her back, legs in the air.  Dead asleep.

My balls!  My balls!

Finally, I jump in the shower and blast them with cold water.  At four in the morning, the splashing water sounds like Iguazu Falls.  I can hear Ana from the other room, half asleep.

"Baby.  Baby, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, nothing."  I turn off the water and shut off the light.  I think I even say a few Hail Mary's.

Five minutes later my little guys are back to normal.

Thank god I didn't have to use an ice pack.

-- PAPA

Comments

[Dad Speed]

That is hilarious...not really... yes it is! And thanks for commenting on my post... it meant alot.

[Ashley]

OMG. Hilarious. She DID tell you to only use a little bit, didn't she? lol For future reference, just grab some mild soap and it should come right off lol.

Found your blog through Dadspeed.

:D

[Alison]

Did you know peppermint oil will detract ants as well as being a proven method of birth control?

Now ya' do!

[Kevin]

Came to check out your story from BHJ's blog. That's pretty funny man. Sounds like something I would do.

[Black Hockey Jesus]

I like booze and drugs and stuff that feels good so one time my buddy told me that ben gay on yor balls feels good so... there you go. I bet it feels a lot like peppermint oil.

You can't lose with burning balls.