Congratulations, Mr. Papa!

You're a dad!

Nothing, I'm positive, (careful with this word) can ever prepare you for the words "I'm pregnant."  Planned or not, it's got to be like winning the lottery.  The sudden rush of joy, anxiety -- and shock -- that hit you the minute you hear those magical words.  Immediately, you picture how your life's going to change.  All the things you're going to buy.  The new clothes, the toys, the new car...the baby seat for that new car.  That's right, we're not talking the lottery anymore.  Because all the things you just imagined, they're not for you.  The great escape, gone.  And there's just one other slight difference.  Guess whose paying?  Welcome to Daddydom.

Surprise! 

Yes, it certainly was.  Sure Ana had stopped the pill April 2007, but we'd played it safe.  Well, mostly.  We pulled out.  We spooned.  We tracked her ovulation cycle (usually during sex).

PAPA: "Do you think it's okay?"

ANA: "Don't stop!"

Of course, the safest sex is no sex at all.  Sometimes, we even had a small run of that, too.

Four pregnancy tests later we struck gold.  Ana loved the tests.  Every month and a half she was at the store.  For her, I swear, it was an addiction.  She was like a pregnant woman with cravings...for pregnancy tests.  For me it was just one more thing to add to the grocery list.  Milk, cheese, bread, beer, Doritos, pregnancy test.  We didn't have to be at the grocery store either; Sav-On was just as good.  They sold it, we tried it.  And, today, there it was: the little white stick with two solid blue lines.  Actually, it was four lines.  Buy one, get one free.

Maybe we should have played the Lotto.

Actually I'm just happy that it happened with Ana, someone I plan on marrying and spending the rest of my life with, because I've certainly had my scares.  Missed periods have a way of making even the cockiest guy sweat bullets.  I think I lost three pounds my first scare, each day passing like a gallstone.  I was twenty-five then living in NYC.  Nowhere ready to be a daddy.

Even now, we definitely hadn't expected it to happen so quickly.  We'd just (tentatively) set our wedding date for October 11th.  Now we were looking at an arrival on roughly the same date.  The humor, this kid! 

Calendar year aside, though, there was the biological time clock.  Ana had just turned thirty-seven, the window of opportunity was definitely slimming.  Yet another reason for us quitting the pill.  After being on the pill for so long it took the body awhile to recover.  So we heard.  Then there were the stories.  It's hard, tricky even, to get pregnant.  It has to be the perfect time of the month, the perfect position, the perfect hormonal balance, etc, etc.  I knew because my cousin had had difficulties with his wife for two years.  Two of my other cousins had also had difficulties, even to the point of consulting fertilization specialists.  And then there was me.

"Guess my machinery's top of the line," I'd joked to Ana.

"Apparently."

Wow, it had finally happened.

And now for the best part, the part that made it all worth it:

THE GUESSING GAME. 

The guessing game is like a twist on the EDC where instead of guessing the day you'll give birth, you work backwards and try to remember the day/circumstances you conceived. 

In our case, according to the paperwork (based on Ana's recollection of her last period), Ana was 5 1/2 weeks pregnant.  Five and one half weeks from the test date (Feb 19) would put the magical day somewhere around...Jan 26th.

"That means...It was made in Brazil!"

Ana's hysterical.  She'd been in Brazil two weeks visiting her family before I arrived on Jan 26.  That day, however, could automatically be ruled out.  (Blame jet lag.)

"Must have been in Ubatuba," she says.

"You're right, I knew something felt different that day."

"You say that now."

"I'm serious."

She shakes her head, flips through the calendar.

"But my period before was late, too...Do you think it could have been earlier?   Maybe, it was on the 9th, night before I left for Brazil."

"Or maybe the 5th, Saturday?"

"We had sex that night?"  It's a question.

"You're joking, right?"

"No, because I remember on the 6th you took me to Arclight."

"I'm almost positive it was the 5th."

Funny this game.

She looks again.  "Or maybe it was New Year's."

I laugh.  New Year's, Sacramento Steve and his girlfriend came down to visit us.  I decide to have a little fun and phone him.  We share the same twisted humor.

PAPA: "Hey, remember New Year's Eve.  We got pretty wasted, right?"

SACSTEVE: (hesitant) "Yeah..."

PAPA: "You didn't go into our room, did you?"

SACSTEVE: "No...why?"

PAPA: "Oh, cuz...Ana's pregnant."

SacSteve bursts out laughing.  Then suddenly stops.  "Are you joking?"

PAPA: "No, can you believe it?!"

And this is how I tell him the news.

SACSTEVE: "Oh, my god..."

PAPA: "Right?"

Silence.

PAPA: "You still there?" 

SACSTEVE: "Barely..." he laughs.  "Did you just find out?"

PAPA: "This morning."

SACSTEVE: "Papa."  He laughs.  "Papa's going to be...a Papa.  So when's she due?"

PAPA: "October 17th..."

SACSTEVE: "Well..., it was nice knowing you."

We laugh.  Then I tell him all about the guessing game.  He loves it.  He starts playing it with Jenny.

"Hey, Jen, when was the last time we had sex...after New Year's?"

We joke around and I tell him more about "the big surprise".  The more I start talking, the more I can't stop looking at the calendar, trying to remember that elusive day.

Think back...

Can you recall your magical day(s)?

Comments

[Alex]

Hilarious... xo